I had a rough day on Tuesday... a very rough day. In addition to having a rough day, by the time I left work, it was nearly 7pm, and the last thing I wanted to do was cook dinner when I got home.
The boi said let's go grab something to eat - pick it up, come back home, eat and relax... and that sounded like Heaven...
I had Taco Bell and ice cream from UDF. And I felt so much guilt when I got done eating. The ironic thing is I felt ashamed of myself while eating... and knew I should have chosen differently even before I ate... but I still ate the food. There was a part of me that knew it would taste delicious. I can count on one hand how many times I've had Taco Bell in the last 3 years. It's not a common occurrence... but I was making changes in my life! I wasn't suppose to eat to satisfy my emotional discontent.
I knew in my heart it wouldn't wipe away the irritations of Tuesday afternoon... but I felt mentally and emotionally drained to the point of almost physical exhaustion. This was the first time that I actually thought through my actions before I took a bite... so I know I'm making progress. But why did I choose the convenient route? Why couldn't I whip up something healthy?
Like a light bulb going off, I realized that I need to meal plan. I need healthy pre-made frozen meals ready to go when days like Tuesday happen. I can't continue to mess up and attempt to excuse-away my poor decisions.
Wednesday was better on all fronts. I even went for a long walk after work with my two favorites - Daisy and the boi.
Thursday is starting off phenomenally as well. I work late tonight, so I had time to wake up, stretch, play with Daisy, and hit up my new gym. There were a few awkward moments trying to navigate around, but all new places take a visit or two to work out the kinks. I'm leaving for work a little early this afternoon so that I can walk and grab a smoothie at lunch time with an aunt - so that will be additional steps and additional calories burned. Not to mention a healthy choice for lunch.
Sayonara, Taco Bell and my guilty feelings from Tuesday. I'm learning and adapting, and I can't stop myself from moving forward.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Sunday, May 10, 2015
Tackling One Challenge at a Time
With all lifestyle changes, the first step is admitting you have a problem your challenges.
For me, there are several areas I'd like to focus on. The ones most people in a similar situation can relate to are establishing healthy eating habits & daily workout routines... Another area that is imperative that I get under control is increasing my self worth.
Many women and men battle with their sense of self esteem and confidence when they gain weight and fail to lose weight... for one reason or another. I envy those who can love themselves no matter what their outside appearance reflects. The irony here is I love the #nothighgap movement and positive body reinforcement going on in society these days. I love it, and I support it. But when it comes to me, I have these self-deprecating shades on, and I can't always see the beauty.
I have a lot to work on, and I'm up for the challenge. I'm taking the steps to set myself up for a successful journey. I'm tackling my feelings head on - my feelings on food, fitness, body image, health, and living a long and happy life. I have a family history of diabetes and cancer. I know my chances increase every year I decide to remain complacent in my current situation. I also acknowledge that I have to be the change, and I have to buy into this change.
I love food. My love for food knows no bounds. Asian, Mexican, Italian, Cajun... Indian, American, real, fake - you name it, I pretty much love it. (The only exception here is cilantro. I'm one of those crazies that tastes soap...) Fried, grilled, baked, flambéed... it all tastes great. I have struggled with my food addiction, obviously. I have gone on a food run to McDonalds and have bought an extra sandwich or two... and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'll eat them before I get home so my boi has no idea of just how much I want to eat. I'll snack on Poptarts while I'm cooking dinner... the list goes on and on. When I realized that I suffer from binge eating disorder, it was easier to start putting things in perspective. I have read up on the disorder a lot, and I'm feeling prepared to to tackle this on with the love and support I have around me. I have to take this one meal at a time, work on meal planning, and portion control. (At this time, I'm not planning on cutting anything out of my diet, but I simply want to watch what I put in my mouth and track it on MyFitnessPal.)
Exercise and I... we have a love hate relationship. I haven't put my finger on what my exact issues are with exercise. I actually enjoy the burning, sweating, and lovely euphoria that comes after a great work out. Two years ago, I was close to running 5 miles... and then I started to feel pain in my right leg. I also wanted to spend what limited time I had after work with the boi... or my aunts... or talking on the phone with my parents and best-friend. Working out was the first thing to go. I am working on getting back on track in this area as well.
I have set out to succeed. I'm lining all of my ducks in a row. I have joined a new gym in my new area, I have bought new running shoes and training shoes, a couple of cute new shirts, a new Fitbit Charge (I graduated from my Flex!) and a Polar Heart Rate Monitor.
I have started a health journey IG and obviously this blog to track my successes and failures. I am going into this with my eyes wide open - I know I will have setbacks, and I am working on increasing my confidence... so that when I fall down, I can pick myself back up, dust off my ass, and take off running again.
For me, there are several areas I'd like to focus on. The ones most people in a similar situation can relate to are establishing healthy eating habits & daily workout routines... Another area that is imperative that I get under control is increasing my self worth.
Many women and men battle with their sense of self esteem and confidence when they gain weight and fail to lose weight... for one reason or another. I envy those who can love themselves no matter what their outside appearance reflects. The irony here is I love the #nothighgap movement and positive body reinforcement going on in society these days. I love it, and I support it. But when it comes to me, I have these self-deprecating shades on, and I can't always see the beauty.
I have a lot to work on, and I'm up for the challenge. I'm taking the steps to set myself up for a successful journey. I'm tackling my feelings head on - my feelings on food, fitness, body image, health, and living a long and happy life. I have a family history of diabetes and cancer. I know my chances increase every year I decide to remain complacent in my current situation. I also acknowledge that I have to be the change, and I have to buy into this change.
I love food. My love for food knows no bounds. Asian, Mexican, Italian, Cajun... Indian, American, real, fake - you name it, I pretty much love it. (The only exception here is cilantro. I'm one of those crazies that tastes soap...) Fried, grilled, baked, flambéed... it all tastes great. I have struggled with my food addiction, obviously. I have gone on a food run to McDonalds and have bought an extra sandwich or two... and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'll eat them before I get home so my boi has no idea of just how much I want to eat. I'll snack on Poptarts while I'm cooking dinner... the list goes on and on. When I realized that I suffer from binge eating disorder, it was easier to start putting things in perspective. I have read up on the disorder a lot, and I'm feeling prepared to to tackle this on with the love and support I have around me. I have to take this one meal at a time, work on meal planning, and portion control. (At this time, I'm not planning on cutting anything out of my diet, but I simply want to watch what I put in my mouth and track it on MyFitnessPal.)
Exercise and I... we have a love hate relationship. I haven't put my finger on what my exact issues are with exercise. I actually enjoy the burning, sweating, and lovely euphoria that comes after a great work out. Two years ago, I was close to running 5 miles... and then I started to feel pain in my right leg. I also wanted to spend what limited time I had after work with the boi... or my aunts... or talking on the phone with my parents and best-friend. Working out was the first thing to go. I am working on getting back on track in this area as well.
I have set out to succeed. I'm lining all of my ducks in a row. I have joined a new gym in my new area, I have bought new running shoes and training shoes, a couple of cute new shirts, a new Fitbit Charge (I graduated from my Flex!) and a Polar Heart Rate Monitor.
I have started a health journey IG and obviously this blog to track my successes and failures. I am going into this with my eyes wide open - I know I will have setbacks, and I am working on increasing my confidence... so that when I fall down, I can pick myself back up, dust off my ass, and take off running again.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Cheers To a New Start
This title has more irony to me than a casual observer could realize. I would also like to apologize ahead of time for the rambling excuse-making jumbled thoughts below as I attempt to explain the irony.
I recently came to the realization that I have succeeded in every goal in my life - except my fitness and writing goals. I started asking myself "Why?"And I'm finding that the answer isn't the easiest for me to digest.
To put this in perspective - In the last 5 years, I graduated college near the top of my class, tried out two very different career paths, found one I really enjoy, and I have managed to move into management... in less than two years with my company. I have found happiness in my personal life - found the man of my dreams, we bought a house together, and we're now raising our puppy-baby...
To give myself some credit on the health front, in those 5 years, I was on a great path in my fitness journey - I had lost 20+ pounds from eating right and learning to tolerate running... then life happened. While I love my job, I am behind a desk and in front of a computer more often than not. While I love my man... we both lost sight of our own fitness goals as we got to know each other and spent more and more of our free time watching TV and movies and laying on the couch together.
Now I have gained all 20 pounds back. I hate taking pictures of myself, and I would much rather take pictures of my dog and boyfriend. I don't have a lot of energy, and I find that I'm cranky the majority of the time. And I'm so tired of feeling this way. I hate that I have regressed, and I can hardly stand to see myself in the mirror anymore. I hate that I want to delete photos - even precious ones with those I love the most- because I can't stand the sight of myself. (I also hate that I feel this way, and I have a hard time accepting myself at any and every weight.)
I have attempted to lose weight several times in the last two years - when I started gaining it all back. Typically I lose sight and direction after about 2 to 3 weeks. If I can find success in every other facet of my life - how come I struggle so much with this?
The answer is a bajillion-fold. But in a nutshell, I have realized that I absolutely positively love food. Not only do I love food, but I love binge watching shows on Netflix. I also make excuses and say that I want to spend more time with the boyfriend and the dog since I work so much, and my personal time can be very limited.
Another area of my life that I have always found challenging to keep up with is journaling and blogging. In my 27 years, I have probably started 100+ journals, and I have only completed one. I have also started 20+ blogs... and I typically keep up with it for about as long as my average "life style change." (So, it's safe to say about 2-3 weeks, on average.)
My history with blogs is so cliche. I was that 13 year old who had a LiveJournal - who would copy and paste lyrics to the most emo-tastic songs on the internet. I would complain, rant, rave, and dissect several areas of my life, but especially my parents. Oh the delights and hormones of your early teens... I would not return to that time for one million dollars.
I find it interesting that I have always been drawn to writing... whether I'm publishing it online, writing personal details in a notebook, an essay back-in-the-day for school, a short story, a poem, lyrics to a strange tune stuck in my head, or character development notes for a maybe-one-day novel. Writing can come with its own challenges - similar to fitness goals - writing takes time, energy, determination, and habitual practice... all of which was never a major priority for me for very long.
On a positive, and a very happy note, I feel different lately. I feel motivated to take on the challenges of succeeding in both my fitness goals and writing goals. I know this time will be different, and I'm sincere when I say I want to succeed. I'm a successful person in many areas - so why not in these areas as well? I want it badly enough.
So... I'm left with raising my cup of coffee this morning, and saying to myself, "Cheers, Nicole Marie. Here's to a new start. This is a new start to your fitness goals, and it's a new start to blogging about your experiences and life while you're on this ride."
I recently came to the realization that I have succeeded in every goal in my life - except my fitness and writing goals. I started asking myself "Why?"And I'm finding that the answer isn't the easiest for me to digest.
To put this in perspective - In the last 5 years, I graduated college near the top of my class, tried out two very different career paths, found one I really enjoy, and I have managed to move into management... in less than two years with my company. I have found happiness in my personal life - found the man of my dreams, we bought a house together, and we're now raising our puppy-baby...
To give myself some credit on the health front, in those 5 years, I was on a great path in my fitness journey - I had lost 20+ pounds from eating right and learning to tolerate running... then life happened. While I love my job, I am behind a desk and in front of a computer more often than not. While I love my man... we both lost sight of our own fitness goals as we got to know each other and spent more and more of our free time watching TV and movies and laying on the couch together.
Now I have gained all 20 pounds back. I hate taking pictures of myself, and I would much rather take pictures of my dog and boyfriend. I don't have a lot of energy, and I find that I'm cranky the majority of the time. And I'm so tired of feeling this way. I hate that I have regressed, and I can hardly stand to see myself in the mirror anymore. I hate that I want to delete photos - even precious ones with those I love the most- because I can't stand the sight of myself. (I also hate that I feel this way, and I have a hard time accepting myself at any and every weight.)
I have attempted to lose weight several times in the last two years - when I started gaining it all back. Typically I lose sight and direction after about 2 to 3 weeks. If I can find success in every other facet of my life - how come I struggle so much with this?
The answer is a bajillion-fold. But in a nutshell, I have realized that I absolutely positively love food. Not only do I love food, but I love binge watching shows on Netflix. I also make excuses and say that I want to spend more time with the boyfriend and the dog since I work so much, and my personal time can be very limited.
Another area of my life that I have always found challenging to keep up with is journaling and blogging. In my 27 years, I have probably started 100+ journals, and I have only completed one. I have also started 20+ blogs... and I typically keep up with it for about as long as my average "life style change." (So, it's safe to say about 2-3 weeks, on average.)
My history with blogs is so cliche. I was that 13 year old who had a LiveJournal - who would copy and paste lyrics to the most emo-tastic songs on the internet. I would complain, rant, rave, and dissect several areas of my life, but especially my parents. Oh the delights and hormones of your early teens... I would not return to that time for one million dollars.
I find it interesting that I have always been drawn to writing... whether I'm publishing it online, writing personal details in a notebook, an essay back-in-the-day for school, a short story, a poem, lyrics to a strange tune stuck in my head, or character development notes for a maybe-one-day novel. Writing can come with its own challenges - similar to fitness goals - writing takes time, energy, determination, and habitual practice... all of which was never a major priority for me for very long.
On a positive, and a very happy note, I feel different lately. I feel motivated to take on the challenges of succeeding in both my fitness goals and writing goals. I know this time will be different, and I'm sincere when I say I want to succeed. I'm a successful person in many areas - so why not in these areas as well? I want it badly enough.
So... I'm left with raising my cup of coffee this morning, and saying to myself, "Cheers, Nicole Marie. Here's to a new start. This is a new start to your fitness goals, and it's a new start to blogging about your experiences and life while you're on this ride."
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